Tuesday, 15 January 2013

To be where I am.

I only officially became a "Stay at home Mum" four years, three months, three weeks and four days ago. 

With my eldest (step)son I had no choice but to study, then work, full-time and do the working-mother-juggle. I was pretty good at it too. Clean house, happy kid, healthy dinners, newly wedded- perfect little family bliss. 

With my second son, and first baby, I got nine months of maternity leave. After that, I tried really hard to start juggling again... and did so for nearly two years...but it was Just.  Too.  Hard!  I felt so guilty leaving him in care when he was Just. So.  Little!  I felt like I wasn't giving my all to my job, either (How could I when my heart no longer lived inside my body, but in his?) 

So we moved. A week after my 30th birthday. When I was nine weeks pregnant with son number three. 


We moved interstate. Here to the capital of the outback, Darwin, Australia. The nation's "Top End". Away from everything and everyone I'd ever known.  But, my husband doing his job up here meant we could afford for me to stay home.

And it was hard. I was very isolated and lonely in the beginning, being home all day with a two and a half year old toddler.  I struggled to make it all work. I struggled with the heat!  So I made a decision. "Stay at home Mum" was my new occupation. I planned our daily activities, like I used to plan lessons.  I rotated toys. I bought all the right equipment for amazing play. And it worked. For a while.

Then I started thinking about how shitty my employment contract was. No pay, no holidays...you've heard all this before. You're probably living this too. You know.

Then, upon discovering mummy-blogs, I read a quote that changed my whole outlook... 
"Motherhood is not a job, it's an adventure"
For the last year or so, just as son number four entered our world, this has been my approach. I have planned, yes. The advent of the iPad has introduced me to new blogs and Pinterest.  (Oh, Pinterest! How I love thee!)  So, I've pinned things and found lots of fantastic ideas, BUT, I've also Enjoyed the Ride. I've tried to plan and live this life as an adventure. An expedition into the big while world of being-an-amazing-parent.

But then I read this...

"No one longs for what he or she already has, and yet the accumulated insight of those wise about the spiritual life suggests that the reason so many of us cannot see the red X that marks the spot is because we are standing on it.  The treasure we seek requires no lengthy expedition, no expensive equipment, no superior aptitude or special company. All we lack is the willingness to imagine that we already have everything we need. The only thing missing is our consent to be where we are.” ~Barbara Brown Taylor
So, I decided to take the plunge and write a blog. Why? To celebrate where I am. Here. Right now. In the moment. In my new home (it's taken four years for me to think of it like that) with my perfectly-crazy big family. 

I'm still planning, 'cos that's how I roll. I'm still going to be setting the bar impossibly high, 'cos old habits die hard (if at all) BUT... I am giving myself consent... to be happy where I am. 


3 comments:

  1. That quote by Barbara Taylor is awesome - and isn't it an enlightened soul who can be content with their present?! I find myself with my head constantly in the future - always planning the next thing around the corner - and part of my journey as a Mama is to learn to be more present. And more content.

    I love that you've started a blog to document your 'adventure' and look forward to reading all about it!!

    Much love,
    Hana xo

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  2. I am amazed that such wisdom has come out of a Barbara Bradford Taylor novel. I read her books for to escape reality. It is such a brilliant quote. Love this first post too by the way! xS

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