Musical Musings & Motherhood

For the last few months I've been completely unable to stop listening to the Twilight movie soundtracks. Specifically, Breaking Dawn: Part 1.

Actually, that's not strictly true.  There have been moments when my kids have protested "Not Breaking Dawn again!" and I've had to put on something else for a little while.  And that week after the Oscars were on and I spent my mornings prancing around the kitchen, clicking my fingers, channeling my inner Zeta-Jones, singing "All that Jazz" and frightening the children with my dazzling high kicks!  Hey, whatever gets you through the housework, am I right? ; )
 
Anywhoo, back to my Twilight obsession.  This is the result of the following reasons-
 
1. I'm a tragic Twi-hard.  (I made my eldest son accompany me to the midnight premiere of one of them. Eclipse, I think. He hid in his seat, hiding his face and panicking, "I'm like the only guy here!")
 
2. It's actually got a lot of really good songs.

3. And this is the main reason... One of those songs has become a bit of an ode to motherhood for me.

The song is Turning Page by Sleeping at Last. It's actually a song about love. Romantic love. In the film, they play it when Bella is walking down the aisle to marry Edward.

But there is just something about the lyrics that I identify with when I think about my babies. A couple of beautiful phrased lines that resonate with me in my role as a mother and this constantly-challenging, mind-blowingly-intense experience that is my life right now...

I've waited a hundred years.
But I'd wait a million more for you.

Nothing prepared me for
What the privilege of being yours would do.

If I had only felt the warmth within your touch,
If I had only seen how you smile when you blush,
Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough,
I would have known what I was living for all along.
What I've been living for.

Your love is my turning page,
Where only the sweetest words remain.
Every kiss is a cursive line,
Every touch is a redefining phrase.

I surrender who I've been for who you are,
For nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart.
If I had only felt how it feels to be yours,
Well, I would have known what I've been living for all along.
What I've been living for.

Though we're tethered to the story we must tell,
When I saw you, well, I knew we'd tell it well.
With a whisper, we will tame the vicious seas.
Like a feather bringing kingdoms to their knees.

Music has power.  We know this.  The power to make us laugh, cry, dance!  The power to evoke memories of a particular time and place we hold dear in our hearts.

This song, and these lyrics, have the power of making me present.  Identifying what it is I'm doing right now- Surrendering who I've been for who they are.  Trying, as hard as I can, to be the best me that I can be...for them.  Being the strongest version of myself, because their little hearts are relying on me.

I also love the idea of this intense love writing My Story.  Every page full of sweet words describing our lives together.  That's what I want this blog to be - the story of the love I have for my kids and the sweet fun we have together.  That's not to say it's all sunshine and roses.  Without the dark how do we appreciate the light?  Whether I can bring myself to blog about the dark times remains to be seen.

So, if I had felt, seen and known all these amazing things about life with my babies, would I have known what I was living for? Hell, yes! Would I have felt incredibly overwhelmed and under-prepared? Most definitely.  I would have doubted my strength.  My suitability for the task.  But - and I have this song to thank for putting it into words - I now know that tethered as I am to my little loves, together we can tame vicious seas and bring kingdoms to their knees.  

For them I could do anything.

Photo by Infocus